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Amazingly good news from the Psalms

August 13, 2010 by John Knight

I was listening to another lecture on suffering and the lecturer paused on vs. 23 of this passage from Psalm 73:

21 When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
22 I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
 24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:21-26

I remember acting like a beast toward God – NEVERTHELESS – God held my right hand.

I was using my son’s disabilities as an excuse for sinful bitterness and angry responses to God – NEVERTHELESS – God used this same boy and his disabilities to reveal how ugly and destructive that bitterness is in light of how beautiful Jesus is, and then planted in me the desire to lay down that bitterness forever.  He continues to help me when the seeds of bitterness start to grow again.

And because he holds me (and you if you are in Christ!), nothing can take me from him:

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Thank you, Jesus!

P.S.  The lecture I reference above was quite good, but it is part of a much longer series.  Before I recommend it, I’d like to make sure they continue to handle the scriptures well.

Posted in Scripture | 1 Comment »

Incredible finding on divorce in families experiencing Down syndrome

August 12, 2010 by John Knight

Incredibly GOOD news!

From the July 2007 edition of American Journal of Mental Retardation:  Divorce in Families of Children With Down Syndrome: A Population-Based Study by Richard C. Urbano and Robert M. Hodapp:

In this study, we examined the nature, timing, and correlates of divorce in families of children with Down syndrome (647), other birth defects (10,283) and no identified disability (361,154). Divorce rates among families of children with Down syndrome were lower than in the other two groups.

Wow!  Lower than families not experiencing disability!  I’ve never heard that before.

In fact, usually what we hear for any disability is that our marriage is more likely to fail – FAR more likely to fail.  I just listened to a lecture where, without substantiation, the lecturer said that 80-85% of Christian marriages fail when a child with a disability is born.

It simply isn’t true – but it sure says a lot about how we think about suffering, disability, marriage and God by how easily we believe it could be.

Why people think they are being helpful when they tell us that divorce is a common outcome after having a child with a disability, particularly at the very outset (I heard it the first time when Paul was less than two weeks old), just baffles me.

A few years ago I realized I was repeating marriage statistics that others had told me – and I had never seen a study or a reference ever given.  I try not to do that in this forum; if a statistic shows up, I will do my best to provide a link to the study or authority providing that statistic.

And, frankly, statistics shouldn’t mean all that much to us.  We belong to God.  Let every marriage around us fail for whatever reason. But with God’s help, our marriages can stand and we can experience a peace, contentment and joy that makes Jesus look very beautiful in the midst of our circumstances.  And when marriages fail in this fallen world, God is still sovereign and ready to provide.  Let us persist in pointing to God.

Dr. Urbano and Dr. Hodapp also helpfully referenced other studies on marriage and disability, which I hope to get my hands on.  The news isn’t all good; apparently there is a slightly higher divorce rate when parents experience other kinds of disabilities in their children.

But it certainly isn’t 85%.  Praise God for that!

Posted in News | 4 Comments »

Put to death things that some will say you deserve

August 11, 2010 by John Knight

I was given the privilege of a few minutes with a man God has made into a great man of the faith.  Mitch Pearson lost his wife to cancer just a few months ago; God is sustaining and helping him.  God is his hope.  I am greatly encouraged when I see men standing on the promises of God.

He shared some of the bad advice he’s been given by well-meaning people.  Having experienced both cancer and disability in my family, some of it was familiar, such as people granting us a license to sin in bitterness or anger or selfishness or immorality because of the circumstances we live with.

Paul would have none of  that.  And he knew more than a little about suffering.

Yet he wrote boldly to the Colossians in how they should behave toward their sin and toward each other:

3 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Colossians 3:3-11

Yes, disability is hard.  Yes, people don’t “get it” and say or do foolish, hurtful things.  Everywhere I look – church, home, school, work – something could be improved or people could behave better or . . . . .

Paul’s response:  all of this is true.  Now, kill your own sin.  Put away your anger and malice toward others.  Stop your grumbling.  And bear with one another.

My response:  that’s impossible.

Paul’s reply: of course it is impossible.

7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:7-8

But with Christ, all things are possible:

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. Romans 8:9-10

And we do not fight in our own wisdom or strength or ability.  We are God’s!

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:12-17

Malice is my particular temptation out of that list above.  My antenna are acutely tuned to any sort of bad behavior against my boy on the part of others; I’m ready to assign bad motives immediately.  And I’ll nurse that malice, quietly feeding it while harboring murderous thoughts.  And that doesn’t make much of Christ, even if I ‘deserve’  better.  Which, of course, I don’t.

Ironically, when I ask God for help in killing my sin, I become a better advocate for my son and for changes I hope God would provide in the situations and institutions around me.

Thank you, Mitch, for standing on promises of God above your hard circumstances.  Thank you for encouraging me to kill my own sin.

Posted in Scripture | 2 Comments »

Please pray about disability ministry today

August 10, 2010 by John Knight

I spoke with Brenda Fischer yesterday.  She coordinates the disability ministry at Bethlehem and carries a huge burden for the ministry and for the families involved.

As we approach the fall season, the need is so great for more volunteers to serve the families experiencing disability.  I know many are experiencing this same thing at other churches – not enough volunteers, not enough resources, not enough room.

These are dangerous moments.  It is easy to become discontent and grumble.  Other people or processes or programs can appear to be the ‘problem.’  Precious brothers and sisters in Christ become a means to an end.

I have to fight that discontentment constantly.  But it is not a fight in my own strength nor is it with my family in the church!

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.  Ephesians 6:10-20

So, would you pray today, that hearts would be tuned to God, that God would provide all that is needed, and that people with disabilities would be seen as the indispensable gifts to the body that God has made them to be?

Posted in Prayer Requests | 1 Comment »

Help me think about books: how do you make decisions about books on disability?

August 9, 2010 by John Knight

There are some advantages to having a child who is profoundly, multiply disabled.  One of those advantages is being able to ignore most of what is written on any one of his disabilities.

Last month Sarah wrote asking if I had read the book, Finding Your Child on the Autism Spectrum by Dr Laura Hendrickson.  I had not heard of this book, and haven’t even had the opportunity to ask Sarah about her recommendation.

But it made me realize that I have not read a disability-specific book in several years.  When Paul was first born I was reading all about blindness and accommodations for blind children.  When autism entered the picture, I started consuming information on autism.

And I soon discovered that most books about blindness and childhood development dealt with typically-developing children who are blind.  Most books on autism did not deal with blindness.  Throw in cognitive disabilities and the choices become even more limited.

So, Dianne and I live in mostly-uncharted territory with a few other parents.  That’s not a complaint or even a lament; it is simply our situation.

And it also means we get to stay out of some really contentious areas of debate, like the impact of diet on autism, or particular forms of therapy for autism.  I just get to hang out with other parents of disabled kids rather than compare notes, or get into discussions about what therapy might be better or worse than another.

So, for the books I read on disability, I mostly focus on disability, the Bible and theology.   Then I focus on disability and culture in the blogs, magazines or news articles that show up in my news alerts or RSS feed.

Next week we will be on vacation and I hope to get through a big chunk of Receiving the Gift of Friendship: Profound Disability, Theological  Anthropology, and Ethics by Hans Reinders.  I’d like to provide a review when I’m done, but I’m not exactly sure what would be most helpful for those who read this blog.

  • So I’m hoping you might comment on how you choose the resources you read or watch on the disability(s) your family is dealing with.  How do you choose what books to read on disability?  What makes for a ‘good’ book on disability that is worth reading and considering?
  • If you take recommendations or read book reviews, what do you look for that encourages or discourages you from choosing a resource on disability?  What makes for a ‘good’ review that is helpful in making a decision about a resource?

I’m not looking for recommendations for books, but in the how and why you make decisions about books.

Part of my reason for asking is that I’ve been asked to review a book for the Bethlehem bookstore.  If it is worthwhile for Bethlehem to stock that book, I would like to provide a review that might encourage people to buy it.

I look forward to your comments and observations!

Posted in Book Commentary | 6 Comments »

A conversation I imagine in heaven

August 8, 2010 by John Knight

What follows is a conversation I imagined I might have with Paul in heaven, following a little editorial comment he made during Pastor Sam’s prayer at church last night.

There are at least four significant theological issues embedded in here.  More than one isn’t entirely settled in my own mind and will probably generate questions I’m not prepared to answer!  Maybe someday I’ll tackle those issues.

For now, an imaginary conversation between my son and me, in heaven:

“Dad?”

“Yes, Paul.”

“I like to see.”

“I like that you can see now, son.  And I really like that you can talk to me and we can worship together.”

He nodded. “Was your sight like this before you came to be here with Jesus?”

“No.”  I paused to think of the right words. “It was nothing like this.  Physically, I needed glasses because they wouldn’t focus on things far away.  My eyes would get tired after a day of work or difficult reading.”

“That’s funny,” he replied, obviously amused about something I said.

“What’s funny about it?”

“Here we can go forever without getting tired, Dad.  I went from not being able to see because I didn’t have any eyes to being able to see perfectly.  My eyesight has never been anything but perfect – either perfectly incapable of seeing and now perfectly capable.”

“True. But being tired wasn’t the worst thing,” I replied. “My mind took in what my eyes saw and frequently turned my heart away from Jesus.”

Paul’s face betrayed his astonishment.  “That’s horrible!”

“Yes, it was,” I replied. “Especially knowing what I did from his word.  Experiencing this extraordinary reality now, it was beyond horrible.  God is very merciful.”

“And people actually felt sorry for me that I couldn’t see?”

“Yes.”

“And they felt badly for me because my mind didn’t work exactly like theirs?”

“Oh, my, yes.”

“Yet your mind would turn from Jesus, just by what your eyes took in?”

“Yes.”

He smiled again.  “How foolish everyone was to feel sorry for me.  My mind didn’t have the capacity to turn away from God like that.  What a grace!  And I never once worried about my next meal or if I was loved or where I would live.  Not once.  Just like here.”

 “And,” I reminded him, “God used you to call me to him.  I’m very glad for that!”

“Me, too.”

“There were some very sweet and funny moments raising you,” I said. “Like the time we took a chance and brought you into the Saturday evening service with us.  Pastor Sam was praying and just as he said, ‘let all the world keep silent before you,’ you said, ‘do you want to go home?’ loud enough for several rows of people to hear you!”

“Was he upset, or anyone else?”

“No. I don’t think he even heard you.  And even if he had, God had made him very tender toward you.”

Paul looked at me seriously.  “You didn’t realize what was happening in that moment, did you, dad?”

I had to admit, I did not.

“Dad, you rightly saw that there were times the Holy Spirit was working in me.  You remember those times when, out of the blue, I would just start to sing about God?  Or I would laugh with pure joy when nothing and nobody was around me?  That was God being very close to me. And that night in church I wasn’t talking about going to our house on Buford Avenue; I was talking about going home to be with Jesus. God was very close to me that night.”

He chuckled to himself. “And you all felt sorry for me.  What a strange and awful existence you had, Dad.  What a terrible thing not to be born blind for the glory of God.”

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

Tweet for the Glory of God

August 6, 2010 by John Knight

I don’t use twitter like it could be used.

But yesterday morning reminded me why I continue to use it!

I have no idea if Global Media Outreach is a good organization or not.  But I was excited by the idea that Christians living with disability would have the opportunity to become effective missionaries of the gospel of Jesus Christ using the internet.  I prayed two things for this venture: that many Christian hedonists living with disability would be called to participate, and that Bethlehem would be a place that doesn’t just welcome people with disabilities, but prepares them for a called life of service in spreading the gospel.

Then I saw this:

  • @desiringGod tweeted: The Local Church: People to Suffer With.  I don’t know the writer well (yet), but I was greatly encouraged to read this blog and remember that my church responded in the same way to us when my wife was so sick with the cancer.  That led to many praises to God for his provision of the church to me and of Jeff Lacine to Desiring God!

Then I read a tweet from a long-distance friend who is exploring a camp with a disability ministry.  It was a reminder to pray for him, and I was able to send a direct message easily as well.

Then I received a direct message from@justintef of The Elisha Foundation to let me know he’s coming to the Desiring God National Conference.

Today was unusual in how encouraged I was in a brief amount of time from this variety of sources using Twitter.  But it happens, usually because people are being thoughtful about communicating something of value.

Blogs, emails, Facebook, Twitter, Buzz, Instant messages, cell phones, hand-written letters, face-to-face encounters – all can be used for the glory of God, for the encouragement of the saints, for the strengthening of the church, and for advancing the gospel around the world.

Yesterday I was a happy ‘consumer’ of information, and very grateful to God for all of the people above (and others who came to mind) who encourage me to trust him above all things.

So, what tool will you use today for the glory of God?

Posted in commentary | 1 Comment »

Lord, help me to celebrate rather than complain

August 5, 2010 by John Knight

I am about half-way through a seminary video series that focuses on disability and the church.  The speakers have all been articulate and frequently are living with disabilities in themselves or their family members.

But the information is old to me.  I am itching for them to get on to the meaty stuff – more bible, fewer statistics.  After all, this is graduate school!

I get so impatient; a critical spirit quickly follows.

Which isn’t fair, of course.  Just because these bright people are in a graduate course doesn’t mean they know anything about disability.  I certainly didn’t much about disability before 1995!

So, I’m asking God to help me, as I finish this series, to celebrate that so many people (the room looks full from the video) who have already demonstrated a desire to be in ministry are spending time and money to learn more about this issue in the context of the church.  And then, in gratitude to God and with God’s help, to render a more thoughtful, reasoned assessment of this video series.

And I’m trying to get more bible into me to help me!

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Jame 1:19-20

And the word of the Lord came to Zechariah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another, do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart.” Zechariah 7:8-10

Posted in commentary | 2 Comments »

David Powlison on talking about disability

August 4, 2010 by John Knight

Thanks to Jason who pointed to this post, thinking about autism from a Christian perspective, provided by Justin Taylor earlier this year in response to Sunday’s post here.

David Powlison, respected Christian counselor, author and speaker, shares his thoughts on how people who are different for a variety of reasons can serve others by talking openly about their differences.  He is talking specifically in reference to a question about autism:

(You are) serving them by helping them understand an aspect of God’s spectrum of differences. . .

This clip starts at the 6:23 mark.  It is about three minutes of his longer answer:

What do you think?  Is there a responsibility on those living with disability, either in themselves or through a family member, to serve other people this way?

Posted in Helpful things | Leave a Comment »

Setting an example to the believers from her youth

August 3, 2010 by John Knight

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

God is raising up a number of young people at Bethlehem who set an example for the adult believers in how to serve in love on this issue of disability.

I happen to live with one of them.  And it is her birthday today.

Hannah, it is a joy to watch how you love your older brother so freely.  I already see evidence that God is making you into a woman with steel in your spine – just like your mom, and so many of the other moms we know also raising boys and girls with disabilities.

I love you very much.  Dad

Posted in commentary, Scripture | 6 Comments »

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