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Archive for the ‘Helpful things’ Category

Helpful things: People who pray (and email) like this!

Posted in Helpful things on November 24, 2010| 1 Comment »

Do you ever wonder how to let someone know you are praying for them or with them?  I certainly do.

And God provided a helpful example, this time through one of the great women in my life: my oldest sister.

I’m deeply grateful that God has given me sisters who love me and my wife and my children with the deepest of affections and respect.  And both of them are unashamed to take the needs of their nephew to their networks of friends and prayers.

One of those precious people emailed my sister with this encouragement, which my sister forwarded to Dianne, and which I present with permission from the writer to you:

Dear Arlene,

So sorry to hear about Paulie’s ongoing diagnostic dilemma. Only the Lord can sustain them and Paulie through this period of trial and suffering. The bi-monthly devotional I am using now has the theme “soaring above the storm” and it really is daily devotionals on the “theology of adversity”.

Today’s topic was on the power of God – in a nutshell, Is God powerful (enough to prevent suffering) or if He is powerful, then is He good enough (to prevent suffering)? The Scripture strongly tells us that He is powerful (sovereign, omnipotent) and He is good (grace, mercy and love embodied) yet He still allows suffering and adversity ….so the question is how do we, and can we, keep our perspective straight, especially with someone as innocent and special as Paulie.

I think we can, and I know that John and Dianne and all of you can because we affirm what St. Paul says in 2 Cor. 4: 7-18.

Jer 32: 17-27,

Job: 42: 1-6

Isaiah 40: 31 and

Hab. 3:2, Hab. 3:16-19.

Will remember Paulie, John and Dianne in my prayers for grace abounding to endure and in God’s mercy for deliverance and healing to be provided.

Much love, R

What are the elements I found so encouraging?

  • Acknowledgement of pain and suffering
  • Confidence that God will sustain
  • Scripture on the nature and character of God that demonstrates he is both powerful and good
  • Persistence in prayer

It isn’t flowery or fancy – it wasn’t even written to us! – but it went straight to my heart as encouragement directly from God through this dear saint.

Is there someone you could email today, for their encouragement, making much of God as you trust him for the words you will send?

You might make them cry, like this email did for both Dianne and me, with tears of sorrow at continuing suffering mingled with joy at the goodness and kindness of God.

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Be encouraged at the goodness of God in the midst of suffering!

Posted in Helpful things on November 19, 2010| 2 Comments »

If you didn’t see this video on the Desiring God blog yesterday, please take five minutes to watch and be blessed!

Thank you to Children Desiring God and to the Watters’ family for sharing this wonderful testimony.

God was preparing them for great suffering, and then he called them to do an incredible thing in adopting – for his glory and their joy!

We all have a story to tell, one that focuses on who God is and what God has done for us.  Who can you tell your story to today?

As (Jesus) was getting into the boat, the man who had been possessed with demons begged him that he might be with him. And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled. Mark 5:18-20

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Thank you, Pastor Kenny, for reminding us about important things

Posted in Helpful things on October 19, 2010| 2 Comments »

Pastor Kenny Stokes has been serving as pastor for preaching during Pastor John’s leave.  I appreciate what God has done through Pastor Kenny during these months.

On Saturday, he did two very important things for those of us living with disability in our families:

1.  As he welcomed the parents and children being dedicated* to the front of the church, he directly stated that children, ALL children, are gifts, and then he specifically named several different kinds of disabilities.

2. One young couple was dedicating their second child.  As Pastor Kenny approached them he reminded the congregation, with great emotion, that their oldest child had died this past year.

Small reminders like this are cumulative.  People were reminded that we don’t hide suffering and loss at Bethlehem. Over time, the idea of all children being gifts, including the ones with disabilities and the ones who die so young, is part of the air we breathe in that church.  I was deeply moved and very grateful.

I greatly appreciated how naturally Pastor Kenny approached both of these issues.  On the one hand, disability is a ‘big deal’ and deserves specific and special attention.  On the other hand, disability surrounds us, and it is very helpful that he took advantage of these natural opportunities to state truth about all children being gifts and to remind us that families bear extraordinary burdens.

Thank you, Pastor Kenny, for helping people see a little glimpse of both disability and suffering this past Saturday.  Thank you for pointing us to God in all things.

*You can click here if you would like more information on what it means to have a child dedicated at Bethlehem.

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Adoption and disability go together

Posted in Book Commentary, commentary, Helpful things on October 15, 2010| Leave a Comment »

God has placed some great men in my life, brothers who encourage me deeply as they trust Jesus, love their wives, and lead their families.

Several of them have adopted children, sometimes with disabilities, into their families.

None of them puts on a happy face or pretends it is easy.  These are real men, understanding how weak they are and how big God is.  I am deeply grateful for their examples.

Mark and his wife have a bunch of children!  Julie writes beautifully about their experiences.

Martin commented earlier this week on my post regarding the birth of new baby how he has to fight for joy when hearing stories about adoptions with easy transitions.

Chris has written for this blog before, and his oldest boy is in the Sunday School my wife works in. I love seeing him at church as he wrangles his son, adopted without their knowing about his disabilities, to class.

And Greg, the author of Wrestling with an Angel, was recently asked five questions about the book and about adoption.

There are others I will remember after I post this.

God is kind to give us friends who point us to Jesus!  We do not need to walk this path alone!

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David Powlison on talking about disability

Posted in Helpful things on August 4, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Thanks to Jason who pointed to this post, thinking about autism from a Christian perspective, provided by Justin Taylor earlier this year in response to Sunday’s post here.

David Powlison, respected Christian counselor, author and speaker, shares his thoughts on how people who are different for a variety of reasons can serve others by talking openly about their differences.  He is talking specifically in reference to a question about autism:

(You are) serving them by helping them understand an aspect of God’s spectrum of differences. . .

This clip starts at the 6:23 mark.  It is about three minutes of his longer answer:

What do you think?  Is there a responsibility on those living with disability, either in themselves or through a family member, to serve other people this way?

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How do we help people talk to us about disability in life-giving ways?

Posted in commentary, Helpful things on August 1, 2010| 2 Comments »

In response to yesterday’s post, Elisabeth asked the question, “how (do) you help people know how to talk to you about disability in a way that is helpful and life-giving.”

That’s a huge question!

Three things immediately came to mind.  I’m hoping more of you will add to this conversation:

1) I remember who I am in Christ, both what I have been saved from and who I am today in him.

Hurtful comments usually come out of ignorance rather than malice, in my experience.  When I remember what a slave I am to sin except for the work of God in my life, I am less likely to attach bad motives to simple ignorance.  I certainly get tired of ignorant comments, so I am not suggesting that is easy.  Yet, even those comments that are meant to hurt are nothing like my own offense against God.

When I am most disciplined about being in the Bible, remembering the horrible reality of my own sin and the incredible, transformative power of Jesus Christ, I am more likely to ask God for help in replying to hurtful comments.

And he has helped me, time and again, to respond with grace, ‘seasoned with salt’ (Colossians 4:6).  Even times I’ve felt like I’ve fumbled around, battling my own desire to attack rather than educate, people have said they were helped by something I said.  Those moments are certainly providing examples of God’s sovereign goodness in helping!

My continuing problem seems to be that when I anticipate a situation might be hard, I am more likely to be in prayer about it.  But when I become complacent, comments from out-of-the-blue leave me ready to respond quickly and rashly.  Then I have to back up, apologize, and start over.

But in every instance, even when people want to know things so they can serve us and love us, we must make ourselves vulnerable, letting people into our lives in ways we might otherwise not choose but for this circumstance of disability in our families.  In Christ, that vulnerability is actually a strength – our God has already called us from death to life, what can man do to us?

So, how to help people on this subject?  Ask God for help, then walk in faith.

2) Being part of a community who knows and loves me and my family.

Long-term, Christ-exalting relationships are incredibly helpful.  First, over time these people who are already oriented toward loving me with a Christ-like love come to know things that are helpful.  They naturally fall into patterns that leave exchanges, even on difficult topics, much easier.  They are safe.  In the context of such relationships, the person who slips up has a deep well of good-will on which to draw.

And the Holy Spirit helps here as well.  I remember back in 1996 some of the more elderly members of Bethlehem were seeking us out.  I remember one exchange where a dear older saint used terms for disability that even in 1996 were considered not just old-fashioned, but offensive.  The Holy Spirit did not allow those words to become the focus (which was a gift; I certainly was not yet asking God for help then like I do today!), but rather he let me feel the outpouring of affection for me and for my wife and little boy.  Her heart was rightly oriented toward us, and God let me see that heart.

Out of these safe places to talk about hard things, I also see what lands on people as helpful verses frightening, divisive, bitter or defensive.  I have different responses for children vs. adults, academic settings vs. family settings, formal vs. informal, etc.  15 years has given me a lot of experience!

3) Out of this community, God creates ambassadors who go out ahead of me.

I know there is a great deal I do not deal with any longer because others have already done so on my behalf.

That’s a quick, top-of-mind response. I may have more later as I think on it.

How would you respond to Elisabeth’s question?  What have you found to be helpful in helping others talk with you about disability?

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More benefits of long-term church membership

Posted in commentary, Helpful things on July 11, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I was reminded this week of another reason it is a good for those of us dealing with disability to have a long-term connection to a church:  long-term church friends.

We spent a wonderful Thursday with friends of ours who now serve overseas as translators for a people-group in south-east Asia.  We first met them in a Bethlehem small group years ago.  We had Paul and they did not yet have any children.  Over the next seven years before they went overseas, our other three children and all three of theirs were born, each “pair” within months of each other.  Dianne and I are so grateful for their friendship and support through some very hard things.  The hours we have spent in prayer and bible study together would be difficult to count!

So the rare opportunities to spend time together as families are precious. And in the middle of our Thursday gathering, Paul went into one of his spells.

That could have ruined everything.

But, experienced friends that they are, they trusted that we knew what we were doing for him.  There was no unsolicited advice offered.  And they did not freak out.

They also demonstrated their usual deep compassion, which looks nothing at all like pity.  God has granted them a special kind of wisdom which displays personal care and affection, yet without their being intrusive or uncomfortable with our unusual family situation.

So, we made Paul as comfortable as possible and continued with our day, well into the late evening.  He was as safe and comfortable where we were as he would be anyplace else.

So, God gave us the gift of a good day along with a reminder about how unusual our friendships are going to be because disability is part of who we are as a family.  Thanks be to God for his gift of the church from which this friendship flowed!

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Keeping Awareness of Disablity before the Church: Bethlehem’s Family Discipleship Newsletter Feature Article for July

Posted in Book Commentary, Helpful things on July 8, 2010| Leave a Comment »

We have been blessed at Bethlehem with leadership who wants the church to know about and get involved with disability in a variety of ways.  Last month, of course, every family received a copy of Just the Way I Am.  This month I was delighted to learn that the feature article for the Family Discipleship newsletter was written by Brenda Fischer, our disability ministry coordinator.

July’s Feature Article is by Brenda Fischer, Coordinator for Disability Ministry.

The Gift of a Suffering Believer’s Wisdom

I’m sitting here with a big stack of books in front of me overwhelmed with gratefulness to God for his work in the lives of those who have written these books or have lived the stories in these books.  Most have been through deep waters of suffering and come out on the other side with an understanding and wisdom richer and more valuable than much gold.  James uses the phrase “the meekness of wisdom” (James 3:13b).  The word meekness means humbly patient and long-suffering.  I would use these words to describe the life stories in this collection of books making up the New Disability Section of our Bethlehem libraries.

Here are a few examples:

*The precious book Bright Valley of Love by Edna Hong shares the story of Gunther, an abused and disabled boy living in Nazi Germany.  Society scorned the disabled and yet meek and compassionate followers of Christ saw through his broken body and nurtured Gunther’s soul.  This is a book you will never forget.

*Joni Eareckson Tada wrote the book, A Lifetime of Wisdom: Embracing the Way God Heals You. To read this book is to drink of the richness of the wisdom God freely gives to those who seek him in their suffering.  It is a tear jerking, faith-filled testimony.

*Finding Your Child’s Way on the Autism Spectrum by Dr. Laura Hendrickson is more than information, it is an encouragement to families who face the diagnosis of autism and a real help in seeing God’s hand in the process.

*Same Lake Different Boat-Coming Alongside People Touched by Disability by Stephanie O. Hubach is one of the best books I have read about ministering to people with disabilities.  Stephanie shares her faith and her life experience as a mom with a child with Down syndrome.  The Disability Ministry volunteers were given this book last year and the feedback was very positive.

*Our own Krista Horning’s book Just the Way I Am uses delightful pictures of some of the Bethlehem children with disabilities, scripture and simple truth-filled statements to highlight the certainty that God is our great designer.  Her story at the end of the book is a testimony of God’s good work in using hard things to bring growth in wisdom and directing us to Jesus. What an amazing way to share God’s sovereign goodness with children (and adults).

*List and brief review of all the books in the Disability Section of the Bethlehem Libraries.

The Bible says that the parts of the body that are weaker are indispensable (1 Cor 12:22).  One small piece of this indispensability is the wisdom we are able to glean and learn from those whose lives has been hard and yet they have trusted Jesus and been richly blessed with insight.  To read these books and share in the growth of another’s testimony is a great gift.  Your faith will be strengthened by those who have walked through some very difficult times.

In addition to faith-inspiring books, the new Disability section of the library includes books on teaching people with disabilities, care-giving, encouragement for parents and befriending those with disabilities. May we as a church reach out to those who are weaker and ask God for the blessing of the meekness of wisdom.

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Our Story – extended version with more of Dianne’s story

Posted in Helpful things on May 9, 2010| 9 Comments »

Andrew Laparra was kind enough to give us an extended version of This Was Grace, with more of Dianne’s story and testimony.  This version is 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

On this Mother’s Day 2010, I’m particularly aware of and grateful to God for the preciousness of a God-centered wife and mother.

Dianne makes a brief reference to her health in this video, which is stable.  And be sure to watch to the very end for a special surprise.

“This was grace” – extended version.

Shot on:
-7D in 24
-5D in 30p down converted to 24p for slow motion.

Post in Final Cut Pro,
Coloring in Magic Bullet Looks,

Director, DP, and Lighting: Andrew Laparra
Camera Op, Audio Tech: Stefan Green

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“God loves me just the way I am, too.” The impact of Just the Way I Am

Posted in Book Commentary, Helpful things on May 1, 2010| 3 Comments »

I’m happy to introduce Carol Steinbach to you as she writes today about the privilege of sharing Just the Way I Am with a young friend.  Thank you, Carol, for this example!  I hope that many of you, as you receive and experience this book, will share your stories as well.

Last night after work I had supper with some very dear friends who have two children, Wellsley (6) and Graham (4). I brought the family a copy of Just the Way I Am.

Before supper the dad sat on the couch and read the book to Wells. As they read through the book, she was surprised and excited — one of the families in the book is in their small group and she recognized pictures of “her friend Andrew!” After her dad finished reading the book to her, she sat with it on her lap, paging through it, reading parts of it to herself. When she was done I heard her comment, “God loves me just the way I am, too.” Later that evening she asked her mom to read the book to her again. Then she brought the book to me and we snuggled down together to look at it.

At the end of the book, after the “Krista’s Story” section, are some discussion questions. Question 3 is, “What can I do to befriend a person with a disability?” Wells and her mom and I talked about it together, and she came up with some ideas: sit next to someone at school, smile, be friendly, don’t stare.

Question 4 is, “What talents and gifts do people with disabilities have?” She didn’t quite grasp it, so we opened the book to the first picture and I asked her, “What is this little girl good at?”

As we went through the book page by page her answers amazed me. “She’s good at spinning.” “They are good at being friends.” “He’s good at smiling.” “They’re good at loving each other.” “He’s good at letting his brother feed him.” “She’s good at laughing.” “He’s good at trusting his daddy.” “He’s good at soccer” (actually wheelchair basketball, but I didn’t correct her). “He’s good at playing.”

On page 25 there is a poignant photo of a young man sitting alone on a broken tree limb. The text on the facing page says, “Even when I am sad and hurting, God is with me.” Wells thought for a bit and said “He’s good at wanting a friend.”

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