On Monday some dear friends had their first child. She is beautiful, as all babies are to me.
She is entirely ‘normal’ in the sense that she didn’t come with any sort of complications related to disability. I was completely happy for and with them, for lots of reasons.
That isn’t always the case.
I never wish for a disability on a child, of course. But when a child is born into a family without any of the complications we experience, I sometimes hear a voice inside my own head whispering, “Happy for them, but I wish I didn’t have these extra things to deal with.”
But for this day, God silenced that voice.
There are moments we need to fight for joy in our family, especially when dealing with things that cause Paul pain like his seizure disorder we’re trying to figure out.
But I realized as I left the hospital Monday night that I had been completely free to enjoy this new dad and new mom and new baby – entirely happy for them. My prayers with them had been unencumbered by any heaviness on my heart. God gave that experience to me.
That’s a gift.
I expect I’ll need to fight that voice in my own head again. But moments of pure enjoyment at another’s happy circumstance are very sweet. And I thank God for those moments.
The Works of God 
John, thank you brother for being so transparent. I had to wipe away tears as I sit here in the airport reading this one as I am guilty of similar instances and feelings. I am guilty not just of the same feeling at births but even hearing stories of how other folks with adopted kids have such a semi-perfect experience with the adjustments of the child and think great for them but why not me – especially since God has also chose me the road of a Down synd child by birth. Thank you for this and the reminder as we fight for Joy God grace will rain down upon us. Press on brother!
And then there are the days when I am (secretly) sad their child was born w/o a disability because they miss out on learning all the amazing things God has taught me through my son’s disability!
I really appreciate your honesty regarding the battles you face in your own heart. Thank you for helping your readers learn how to better endure suffering for the glory of God.
Thank you for sharing this, John! It not only applies to those who have children with disabilities, which I don’t, but those dealing with other issues, like why can’t my husband be exactly the same as he was before brain surgery, like my someone else’s husband is. God must silence those thoughts in me as well, which is happening more and more. I am thankful for His sanctifying grace in my life!
I have had the same exact feeling. I Love new babies, but I have had that feeling of jealousy and unfairness when friends have healthy babies. I have had to fight the despair that they have what we do not have. How selfish and proud are these thoughts and it is only Christ refining me by leading me to have a better more selfless thought life. I have however thought,”boy what a blessing this family could have if they had a special needs child.” I have almost thought about praying that friends would be blessed with a child who needed a little more at times. It has been such a blessing in our lives that I think other people should have the same experience! So I hope and pray Christ is giving me His mind in this area. Children are a gift from the Lord and He said, “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them”. Let us do everything we can in our lives and minds to bring every child to Christ for His care over their lives and ultimately their souls. Lord remove these jealous thoughts and replace them with Joy!
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