One of the curiosities in life is that when people admit a weakness, we tend to trust them more. That’s one of the reasons we’re pretty happy with Paul’s primary care physician; she will, at times, admit we need to make a course correction. She doesn’t let her ego get in the way of evidence.
She admitted recently that one of her colleagues, “a very good doctor,” appeared to be stuck and seeing another specialist was reasonable.
That doesn’t mean the specialist takes it well.
One of our complaints has been that one of Paul’s specialists seems pretty passive, as though he’s given up trying to diagnose and treat Paul’s ‘spells.’ So we’re pursuing a new course.
Dianne called this specialist to let him know our new course of action, to which he replied, what can they do that he couldn’t? That seemed like a silly question, since he hadn’t done anything for several weeks. And, being pushed, he admitted he thought these spells were something that couldn’t be treated successfully.
That was news to us. He had never even inferred that before. But it also seemed like a good reason we should get another opinion, since this doctor had decided it couldn’t be treated. He didn’t agree.
Then he pulled out his trump card: you do realize your son is severely disabled?
That was, we’re assuming, supposed to make these mysterious spells seem not so bad.
Dianne did two things over the next several days that were quite helpful. First, she didn’t tell me all that he said immediately. We’re 15 years into this, so statements like that from the doctor mostly make me tired and discouraged. But there’s still a reservoir of pride and anger (righteous and not) that wants to have justice in this present age. That could have gotten ugly since I have been known to write letters to people’s superiors, and I know what buttons to push.
The second thing Dianne did was not to engage him at all, but to reassert our new course of action and end the conversation. That was the better course.
In reflecting on it, God brought these verses of Benediction to mind:
Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21
Our God is one of peace (I need to lay aside my anger and my pride), who brings people back from the dead (something a little more complicated than diagnosing a young man’s physical issues!) – and he equips us with ‘everything good’ to do his will. Paul’s spells are no mystery to him, and even as we pursue Paul’s good, God will help us do what is most pleasing to him.
And here’s the anchor: through Jesus Christ! What a promise! Another reason to trust promises and not my perceptions.
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More from Brian Skotko on genetic testing
Posted in commentary, News on January 26, 2011| 6 Comments »
From “Race, Gender, and Genetic Technologies: A New Reproductive Dystopia?” by Dorothy Roberts in Signs: The Journal of Women in Culture and Society, 2009, v. 34, no. 4, p. 792:
Brian Skotko’s survey of 985 mothers who received postnatal (after birth) diagnoses of Down syndrome for their children similarly discovered that many of the mothers were chastised by health care professionals for not undergoing prenatal testing (emphasis mine):
“Right after [my child] was born, the doctor flat out told my husband that this could have been prevented or discontinued at an earlier stage of the pregnancy,” wrote one mother who had a child with DS in 2000. A mother who had a child in 1993 recalled, “I had a resident in the recovery room when I learned that my daughter had DS. When I started to cry, I overheard him say, ‘What did she expect? She refused prenatal testing.’” . . . Another mother reported, from her experience in 1997, “The attending neonatologist, rather than extending some form of compassion, lambasted us for our ignorance in not doing prior testing and for bringing this burden to society—noting the economical, educational, and social hardships he would bring.” Regarding a postnatal visit, a mother who had a child in 1992 wrote, “[My doctor] stressed ‘next time’ the need for amniocentesis so that I could ‘choose to terminate.’” (2005, 70–71)
As a result of such pressure, many pregnant women now view genetic testing as a requirement of responsible mothering (Harmon 2007).
Again we must be clear: there is nothing wrong with receiving genetic testing for the purpose of serving the needs of the child. What is assumed above, however, is that when an ‘anomaly’ is discovered, the child will be aborted.
Let us individually work to change those assumptions, for the sake of the child, the parents, and the medical community that includes too many members who have lost their way.
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