As I wander about I get to meet quite a few pastors and leaders of churches. You won’t be shocked to learn that I manage to work in this question: do you have a disability ministry?
I would get three responses:
- A description of what they are doing.
- A description of what they hope they would do in the future.
- Looking at their shoes and saying they didn’t do anything.
Number 3 happened more than 1 and 2 combined. Frankly, that wasn’t very encouraging! It was also something of a conversation killer.
But I stumbled across a different way to phrase it which has given me more insight into churches that is far more encouraging:
Tell me about your members with disabilities.
Sometimes they still look at their shoes and admit they don’t have any members with disabilities. But more often will come a grin (at the delight they have in their members with disabilities) or a sigh (at the tremendous burdens and suffering they see in their members with disabilities), and then a story or two or three.
People are being served in many churches without any sort of formal disability ministry, and because it isn’t formal it often isn’t recognized as ministry. But when I hear about individuals or families experiencing disability being served or having their gifts being used by the church, I am encouraged and hopefully speak encouragement into those pastors and leaders!
These individual efforts are worth pointing out and honoring because it is valuable in itself and it might be the beginning of something much larger. Most churches that have a recognized disability ministry began with a few people just doing what needed to be done for other people in the congregation. In fact, I can’t think of any that didn’t start that way.
And some pastors don’t even know what service is happening in their churches! I had an experience where a pastor looked at his shoes after I asked about members with disabilities, then later in the evening one of his own members talked about how happy they were that a child with a disability was welcome at that same church. That pastor may not have known the specifics of all his people, but he’s obviously creating a culture that is welcoming for that family. And that’s something to encourage and to be encouraged about!
So, what do you think of my change in phrasing? Is there an even better way to ask about what is happening in churches?
I love this.
I don’t know about the phrasing, but my family is a great example of this! Our church doesn’t (yet) have an official disability ministry but we are well and truly being taken care of by our church family!!
We have only been at this church for a year – I blogged about their support just recently:
http://thinkingofstartingablog.blogspot.com/2012/07/july-8-one-year-on.html
“Tell me how you see Jesus working in your members / families dealing with disability”…or something close
excellent change, john.
John, this is an excellent way of tearing down defensive walls and encouraging attitudes that are more bent on glorifying God than filling in a guilt-laden response. I know I will use your new phrase. Good thinking brother.
A good change! This is a topic much on my mind as we have had our own share of experiences over the past few years in a variety of churches and Christian venues, some have left us feeling deeply wounded, while others have caused our hearts to soar.
Christianity Today had an article on this topic in the spring. Something about it didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong with it. The article discussed programs and training and working hard to help the disabled – all very good and much needed things in some churches. Then it came to me – it was missing the gospel. I so easily fall into the checklists too…but what good are they without the right heart?
This may all seem aparrent, and they quite possibly took this part for granted, but I find it to be so fundamental that I just can’t go without drawing attention to it, and I think that your question touches on this in a powerful way.
I am really coming to open my eyes wider to the truth that…”burnt offerings and sacrifices I do not desire”, but instead it is about that “broken and contrite heart.” This convicts me daily in my parenting, my marriage and friendships, and I think that we would all do well to extend this thinking to “the least of these” as well. The heart that can feel true empathy is the heart that can really serve in an earth-shaking way.
I almost left the comment below on Christianity Today.
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I’ve spent long hours contemplating special needs in the church. I’ve thought long and hard about how to help my brothers and sisters in Christ see what needs fixing. I’ve come to realize something: Our hearts ache for sincere care – for true, straight from the gut, empathy. My husband and I long for kids and parents alike to recognize that Christ-like parenting doesn’t come from filling your kids with knowledge and teaching them to go through the motions. That would make them the resounding gongs that 1 Cor 13 speaks of. 1 Cor 13 also points out that even giving all we have to the poor is not what Christ asks of us, but to possess real true LOVE for one another. This comes with His amazing grace that he’s extended to us in our own brokenness. While I think that education about disability is helpful, I don’t think it’s key…I think it’s this amazing, absolutely mind boggling gospel of Christ.
Maybe if we (and I-preaching to myself here too) all saw how broken we really are we’d be jumping at the chance to love someone else who is broken. Aren’t we, after-all great debtors? Getting to love “one of the least of these” is a gift beyond words that brings us to the Father. I’m sad for those along our path that have missed out on this, prayerful that they will find it with time, and thankful for those who have gone out of their way, beyond their comfort zones, to extend the tender hands of Christ to us and our little boy!
I am a pastor’s wife with a 9 year-old autistic son. Our church does not have an official disability ministry, but my church family loves and supports my son to participate fully in church life. He enjoys sitting in worship services with everyone else and he participates every week in the Sunday School class most appropriate to his communication level with my help, which I gladly give. His Sunday School teachers understand him easily because they try very hard and when there are communication difficulties, they are happy for me to educate them. We are a small church (100ish in attendance most Sundays) and many things we do do not have an official “ministry” label, but we do many things as a church for our people. I think rephrasing your question will get you more of the information and dialogue you are seeking. It’s sort of like the question “How many people does your church have?” that can often come across as a judgment or end up being a discouragement to pastors of small churches.
Your very blessed to have such a loving church. It sounds like they are welling to except your child with open arms and the willingness to learn more. What concerns me is: what will your church do when a family with a disability child comes to visit? I know you will welcome them with Joy. What will you do when that child will not except being in class with others? Would you then concider starting a special needs ministry? It sounds to me God is calling you to. Be prepare for that unexpected visit.
God bless you for what you do for your son.
Hi Pam, If a family with a child with a disability comes to visit, they would be welcomed, as they usually are. If he does not accept being in class with others, along with his parents, others members of the church would love him and help him find a way to participate in Sunday Sabbath life. Perhaps one day we would consider starting a special needs ministry, but I do not think everything needs a “ministry” label to serve its members. God is not calling me to this because I am already extremely busy with the work He has given me (I am 5 weeks pregnant with our second child after years of trying to conceive in addition to hosting regular fellowship meetings, running 2 church choirs, supervising children’s Sunday Schools, leading occasional ladies Bible studies, counselling women as issues come up and training others to take over these jobs for when the new baby comes). In the past, there was a family with an adult autistic member which attended before they moved and he was loved and welcomed as my son is. I would just be careful with making statements to other Christians without knowing their whole situation, not just with disability ministries, but any spiritual issue, such as “God is calling you to…” unless it is clearly biblical (God is calling you to stop x sin would always be right), as it puts pressure and guilt where there should not be any. Sorry to have given such long answer to your reply which I know is well intended and meant to make someone think. Indeed both my husband and I think of disability constantly and what it means for our church now and long term and it is clear that with our current church situation that is it not a calling as it would just extend our membership (who are all active in growing and learning in many, many wonderful ways) too much. As long as the membership which God has given us is growing, regularly fed with Scripture, a church should be careful not to make needs where there are none. If it should ever become apparent that we do need a larger disability ministry, then of course, God will provide that way as he always has, which we have learned in over 11 years at our church, but no, I am not called to do it right now.
I am very sorry Moledy, I Was not in anyway putting a judgment on you or your church. You are blessed with your child. I have two children with disabilities. I am very proud of them both. We attend a church that has a Ministery for disabilities. I was not able to attend church for many years. My child did not fit in and she refused to go. I was in great need to find a church that understood. God being my Lord and savior, opened doors for me to visit a church that excepted my child. I and both of children serve the Lord their. I thank him for that. You sound like a person who loves God and serves him well. God bless you for all you do. I was just a concerned Christian. In no way judging you but looking up to you for making sure your child felt excepted. I was blessed to know the Sunday school teacher was willing to learn more about your child. I said expect the unexpected because our community is growing with more and more children with disabilities. The need is overwhelming because we have so many families that want to attend church but can’t. Let’s keep those needs in prayer. I know how they feel. Your an awesome person doing God’s work for him. We have more work to do for him. He is our deserving Lord and Saviour. I love him.
You nailed this for two reasons: open questions are always better, and, it’s simply more loving of those people. When Christ meets people who need to change He first loves them then opens a conversation with a Kingdom dimension. I think of the Samaritan woman at the well for example.
Hi John
I agree with Greg, this change is a conversation starter, and does a lot to proactively remove defensiveness and condemnation.
I also like the last part of you post:
“That pastor may not have known the specifics of all his people, but he’s obviously creating a culture that is welcoming for that family. And that’s something to encourage and to be encouraged about!”
Without pastors that create that welcoming culture, many formalized disability ministries can really struggle, even fail.
I love how this has provoked me to change how I approach this as well. Your change is a reflection of a grace motivated concern for these pastors and their flock.
Thanks
The fact that so many have responded to this post is wonderful and says a LOT! The issue has been on my heart lately too and I’m impressed with the way you have blogged about it, John. The question is a very good one and it’s important that we are asking. An alternative or follow-up question could be: “How are you seeing the Gospel being shared with people experiencing disability in your church, whether that’s through official disability programming or more informally?”
I would think that it is at least getting the pastor to think about it. And the other members too. It would be nice to see people. With disability as see that they too can do and serve God . I think they need to feel useful even in church as in other areas . AWoman that I know that goes to church said to me .how can a disabled person bring glory to Glory to God . I could of said something but was so sues prized she said it . Because she seemed to think it wasn’t possible the way I took it . But I think we do have to teach them about GOd and Jesus and it seems they get left out because maybe there words are not perfect or maybe it doesn’t come out right . Need help . Maybe there here to teach us patients and to think. I think they don’t get listened to to much or taken seriously . Disabled or handicapped people get push to the back . not just in church. but. They get lost in the crowd and I think maybe more lonely then and pretty much still in this day . Pushed away . Can hang out with her she in that speical class or she or he talks funny someone will laugh at me . I am not trying to be mean . but everyone is not always willing to accepted disabled people more so adults children are cute (I have one I myself ) oh some are very will to look out for teach about 4 years ago the kids just. Pretty much dumped my daughter she different I they always was kids that were mean . But now there teens and there no I one to well
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