I picked up one of my favorite publications done by a great ministry and started reading a story about churches responding to suffering people. It was a nicely crafted piece about a church caring for a woman with a disabled child by herself – and I braced myself for what I knew was coming. And there it was: “The divorce rate for special-needs families is over eighty percent.”
It isn’t true. We have to stop repeating that horrible statistic!
Daniel Vance has done a great deal more research on this than I have, and he found studies that show divorce is slightly higher for certain disabilities: from 3.6% to 5.97% higher. For families experiencing Down syndrome the overall divorce rate is actually lower than average. As he points out, divorce rates appear to be higher, but that’s a long way from 75% to 85%.
Disability is hard on marriages; we already know that. At least as great a problem as divorce are fathers who stay in marriages but check out from the daily care and leadership of children and wives. Let’s not add to the burden by saying marriages will almost certainly fail when a child with a disability is born into it. Abortionists use statistics like that to encourage the killing of unborn babies.
And even if it were a true statistic in general, it does not have to be true for any specific family that leans into the promises of God for provision and help and peace. God himself has spoken about what he can do:
“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27 ESV)
The Works of God 
Thanks for bringing this to the attention of the disability ministry community. There is evidence supporting higher rates of divorce when young children have ADHD, as well as in situations when psychiatric disorders are present as comorbid conditions in children with autism. Here’s a link with references:
http://drgrcevich.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/special-needs-and-divorce-what-does-the-data-say/
drgrcevich what are you trying to say or prove? What are those kids supposed to do?
Rob…
I wasn’t necessarily trying to say or prove anything in the post. Our ministry team had come across the same statistic that John referred to in his post, leading me to search out the available data on the topic.
With that said, one of the questions we need to examine as the church is how we’re doing at responding to the needs of families impacted by disability. One might assume that if there is an increase in divorce rates among families of kids with disabilities, the added emotional, relational and financial burdens might be contributing factors…presumably, those are needs the church could help address.
While we don’t have adequate data looking at divorce rates across the entire spectrum of disabilities, I would wonder about the extent to which the way we respond to and support families impacted by disabilities is influenced by the child’s diagnosis. When a child has Down’s Syndrome or a more severe presentation of autism, in my experience, folks in the church are pretty supportive. When the child or family is struggling with a mental health condition, the families I serve often feel far less supported. Dr. Matthew Stanford and his team at Baylor have published some interesting research on the impact of mental illnesses among families in faith communities. I’ll post a link to a summary here:
http://drgrcevich.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/are-churches-blind-to-mental-illness/
Abortionists don’t use statistics like that to encourage killing unborn children. Be religious, but don’t bring people down in your favor. The real sentence should read, “People like myself will lie to you because my religion is right and yours is not.”
Having received an unfavorable medical report about the baby in my womb, and having been counselled, to consider “whether ‘A baby like this’ would ‘fit into my lifestyle”, I have to agree with the author on this point.
So youre saying an actual abortion doctor suggested abortion to you? Ok.
I am a medical student on my Obstetrics & Gynecology rotation and I can confirm that many Ob/Gyn physicians _do_ counsel patients who have a pre-natal diagnosis of Down syndrome that if they keep their baby they are at a much higher risk of divorce. This IS indeed quoted by some doctors. However, not all doctors. For instance the doctor I’m working under does not tell his patients this. But some do, sometimes in an attempt to convince the patient to abort, other times in an attempt to provide balanced information. Either way the original author’s assertion is correct.
Along with this, we need to stop reporting the 50% divorce rate statistic. That stat is 30 years old and no longer true. For a time in the 80s it was near 50%, but has dropped significantly since then.
Thanks for this post!
This brings to the surface the types of disabilities and the support needed for the families. I think the financial issue is the less, because, like funerals, family and friends are normally willing to help, but to get involved with a family that has a Down syndrome kid is not the same as helping another family with mental illness. I think it is a great opportunity for the church to serve in all cases, and that is the part a lot of churches are not doing, neither have the capacity.
If we believe this is for the glory of God, then the church is Gods arm to help these families reflect that. I have been thinking on setting up a web page were psychologist and psiquiatrist have articles about it and could give advice to the families, with Gods perspective. Mental illness is growing because of drugs, I think, and that is an area to show the merciful hand of God. I don’t know if there is a ministry dedicated to prepare or enhance church capabilities on this area like others that give wheelchairs to people in need.
I know I need more help, I rest on God to give me strength, and He has been faithful and will be, but is a different situation to be able to bear the situation, than to be ale to shine for God and profit from that affliction for me and others.
also painful is the lack of material out there to give support and help to the caregivers trying to make their families work.
We have a child age 12 with Down Syndrome and Autism and it is extremely hard on a marriage…many times we are hanging by a thread. We were at a church for 18 yrs and just left cause they don’t know what to do with us. They were not a compassionate church…they would look the other way when they saw us coming. Many churches are good for short term illnesses, a death, a health issue, by providing some service or meals but if you have a long term forever situation many churches give up on you. We have found more help and compassion outside the church than inside the church. Very unfortunate. Our kids are a part of the body of Christ too.
Fortunately we found a very large church…Willow Creek Community Church that has alot for special needs kids and they are VERY welcoming and compassionate.
All in all there aren’t many churches where a special needs family (and it does affect the whole family) is warmly embraced.
Shellise Janus
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