Paul is dozing in his ‘soft rocking chair’ at the moment, a picture of contentment on a snowy day in March. Many people would envy the ease with which he lives – no anxiety about his needs, no worries about tomorrow, no jealousy about what anybody else has.
But it never entered my mind to kill him. I’m glad for that.
God is merciful in many ways, including even the thoughts he spared me from having.
But even if I had entertained such a horror, there is still hope to live free from the guilt of bad memories.
Just consider the Apostle Paul. We’re introduced to him as Saul in Acts 8:
But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison. (Acts 8:3 ESV)
Yet, God would literally blind him so that he could see Jesus more clearly. And he would later write some of the most comforting words to those who see their own sin for what it is:
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2 ESV)
Because of Jesus, we are free from old, sinful ways and horrible thoughts. We are free to love and live to show God is our greatest treasure.
Still, I’m glad I never had the thought to end his young life 16 years ago.