When I imagined myself a father, a big thing I imagined was helping him to learn how to drive.
The day I turned 15 I started looking forward to drivers education class. And the day I turned 16 my mother took me to the drivers examination office, where I earned that precious right to drive all by myself.
That was a big deal for me as a young man, and I enjoyed the thought of helping my future son take this giant step toward independence.
Today my boy turns 16. I’ve known for 16 years that my blind boy wouldn’t be able to drive. He isn’t even big enough to reach the pedels. And if he could see and was big enough, his cognitive disabilities and autism and strange seizure-like disorder would prevent him from driving.
It might seem silly given everything else, but I’m sad about not having that rite of passage with my oldest son.
Yet, God has kindly made me ready for this day:
- More veteran parents than I am have warned that the seasons of sadness will still come. Sometimes they come at unexpected times. Sometimes we can prepare. I knew this would be one of those times I should prepare.
- My Jesus understands, because he experienced sorrow: Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).
- My Jesus loves me, covers my sins and helps me turn from sin, including sinful temptations to doubt his goodness in my suffering: To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood (Revelation 1:5).
- This sorrow has a greater, joyful purpose ahead: For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17).
- God knows my days and my son’s days: In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them (Psalm 139:16).
- God has good plans for my son and myself: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
- My son has been the means by which God has revealed himself as of greater worth than anything, including raising a ‘normal’ boy.
I still feel that sorrow about my son’s disabilities today; I expect that tears will come. But just writing the above list has reminded me that ‘no good thing does he withhold’ (Psalm 84:11). God is awesome in his love and his power and his mercy!
As Pastor John wrote several years ago:
So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. Let us not be ashamed of tears. Let the promise that joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5) sustain and shape our grief with the power and goodness of God.
I believe that promise! I have experienced little tastes of that promise already.
Someday, both Paul and I will experience a different rite of passage, and it is impossible to say who will lead whom. Either Jesus will return, or we will go to him.
And we will experience something entirely new!
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:4-5
And that is why I can and will celebrate my son’s birth today, ‘as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing’ (2 Corinthians 6:10).
Happy birthday, son!
The Works of God 
Happy Birthday, Paul. We love you and are grateful for your life. You have blessed us in more ways that we can count.
The Horning Family
I’m a new follower to your blog but have to comment as you have just quoted some of my favourite passages of scripture. I too have a child with a severe disability (she is only 5) and long for the day when I will see her healed and whole in God’s presence.
Oh and PS I am looking forward to hearing your pastor speak when he comes to Australia later this year!!
Happy birthday to your precious boy.
John, today is Aaron’s 16th birthday also! I remember Jake’s 16th and the sadness that you speak of. One day all our boys will live in the light of our Saviour. On that day there will be great rejoicing! I love you brother. Happy birthday Paulie!
Thanks for sharing this. I can relate to these feelings of sadness…they sure do pop up but especially on birthdays or holidays. Just last night I was thinking how sad I was that my 4 year old cannot enjoy the fireworks or a ride on a boat with us…I just really wished in those moments to be able to share that with her. But like you have shared, This sorrow has a greater, joyful purpose ahead: For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17). Do I really believe that day will be better than fireworks and the thrill of a boat ride? Yes! Thanks for reminding me. I am embarrassed to say but I forget so often His promises in the midst of grief. Thankful for your blog.
John, I relate to your sadness about Paul. I am just beginning to come to terms with my own realization and sadness that there will be things I can never again do on this earth. It’s only been three months since half of my right leg was amputated, and I was not given any emotional preparation of what to expect in the hospital. Thankfully, the Lord directed me to an amputee online group, and they have been very helpful and kind to me, and have given me ideas of what to expect. Part of that is sadness, mourning about things I used to could do, and that I know I can’t now…and will never be able to. It’s all very well and good to be positive and to even believe in Phil.4:13…but there are some things we the disabled cannot physically do, simply can not do, because of the very nature of this broken world we live in.
I thank God so much for Paul, and for you, and all your family–because with your blog, John, you say the things I feel deeply in my heart but cannot, as yet, articulate. Your words help me to validate my feelings. Your words highlight passages in Scripture that I have not noticed as applying to me, like “the lame will run like a deer”…that I feed on for days and days, with inexpressible joy. Your words help me to feel that I am not alone as a disabled, yet still very valuable, child of God. Because your Paul is a very valuable and precious child of God. Sometimes …most of the time, really…I don’t feel that in church now. I feel…unseen. Ugly. Like a leper. Embarrassing. In the way. Not to God, but to people in church. We are in a new church now, and I think I must be the only wheelchair-bound person there…at least, the only one who’s an amputee. Forgive the joke, but “I really stand out.” Ha ha. Not really funny.
So when I read your blog I think about how Paul is accepted and loved as he is, it cheers me. It comforts me. And I thank God that this is true in y’all’s church.
I’m so very sorry for both you and Paul, though, that you can’t teach him how to drive in this rite of passage. Sad for you, because you know, and sad for Paul, because he doesn’t know what he doesn’t have. All the things you observed about this sadness are true, though, and so comforting–and I long for the day when we are ALL whole, And how great is our God, how kind and merciful He is, to make this a condition of Heaven!
May the Lord bless you and Paul especially today…and on the future rites of passage days you will experience.
And Happy Birthday, Paul!
Happy Birthday, precious and ever-blessing Paul! Congratulations John and Diane. You are carrying the banner of Christ on an overwhelming but privileged marathon of grace. Thank you for parenting with such compassion and conviction. Your voice matters so much.
Happy Birthday Paul! John, I have been enjoying reading and am blessed by your blog. it is a reminder to me of my selfishness and sin when I complain about one of my kids and how they interupt my agenda or don’t behave the way they should. We take so much for granted don’t we. Go find an empty parking lot, set Paul in your lap, put his hands on the wheel with your hands over them and let him drive. I love you brother and am grateful for knowing you. See you around church!
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