We needed a new stroller for Paul and decided to invest in a more substantial one. Ebay worked again, saving us several hundred dollars. God kindly provided for it financially through a decision his grandfather made almost 15 years ago, so we had the money.
And then the sadness came. I had bought a stroller for a 15-year-old boy. He wouldn’t be asking about driver’s education and the keys to the car. How I hate this world I live in!
I know you’ve experienced this. You’re just going along, doing the regular activities to take care of things.
Then something will happen – an article in a magazine, a picture of a friend’s child who is the same age as your child with disabilities, a random comment from a stranger. And for a moment all the gift that this child is will fade away in the harsh light of seeing how the world sees that child.
Veteran parents, or maybe I should say parents more veteran than we are, have warned that these moments will continue to come.
And, at root, I know the problem is my sin. God has given me the greatest treasure of all in Jesus Christ, and everything else should pale in comparison. I want to say – but can’t – with the Apostle Paul:
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:8-11
The great and glorious irony is that when these moments come, I see my need for a strong, good, and providing God more clearly. Those moments serve to shake me up and heighten my desire to be dependent on God rather than my own strength. And I believe that brings even greater honor to Jesus!
So, even as I write this on a dreary Saturday, I’m struck with how much I hate those moments for what I’m feeling and what they reveal about the state of my heart – but also how much they bring me back to God and his word. Once again, I bring nothing and God gives me everything.
P.S. We’ve used that stroller a few times and its really nice. I’m glad we got it.