Saturday evening reminded me that I have something very precious at Bethlehem, and I want more people to have it as well. One of the many blessings is that I am not remotely tempted to stay away from church when things don’t go well because of Paul’s disabilities.
I decided our family should attend the North Campus on Saturday evening as Dianne was out of town for a wedding. The North Campus is accessible, parking is easier, we know lots of people, and Paul has even been known to make it through an entire service there. I like it when Paul can be with the family during the regular worship service, and summer is a good time to see how things go.
Such was not the case on Saturday. Paul was in full voice early. I think we made it through three minutes in the sanctuary before I knew he would be vocalizing happily and loudly through the whole service. I could see the body language of people around us as he talked.
So we shifted to the restless child room. Let me be clear, nobody was unkind, nobody shot a look my way. I was the one who was uncomfortable staying.
Paul continued his happy noises in the restless child room. At one point we even got a version of ‘let is snow.’ I don’t know if that was Paul editorializing about the air conditioning.
Since this is our life, I tuned Paul’s noises out (for the most part) and tuned in to Pastor Kenny. After almost 15 years, sometimes we just have to tune out the vocalizing to get anything done.
I loved Pastor Kenny’s sermon on prayer – it was very helpful!
But when he started wrapping up, I looked down and saw a very little girl staring at Paul because of his noises and realized her mom had been distracted the whole service. This little one was quite interested in Paul, so was no longer restless. Well, I thought, embarrassed at my lack of attention to this young mom’s inability to enjoy worship, its time to go and hauled my crew out.
So, I felt embarrassed a couple of times. But I love my church and know I’m welcome with my family. I like the fact that Paul is known by many, and loved by lots of those who know him. I’m glad to know the North Campus has a restless child room, and nobody thinks twice about my using it with my kids. Time with this people of God has resulted in many benefits, including chalking up another interrupted service with Paul as just that – just one service of many more I hope the Lord grants to me and my family.
But such is not the case for every family with a child like mine. Some churches are not as welcoming or persevering. Families get trained that if their child cannot fit a particular mold, that child isn’t welcome. One bad experience at a church, and they are gone, long before all the benefits of long-term attendance begin to accrue.
So how do we do two things: 1) let families know that there are biblical churches like Bethlehem that are imperfect, make huge mistakes, and deeply want to love and welcome that child just as Christ loves the church; and 2) encourage those families to hang in there with those same churches through all the ups and downs of disability, until the benefits and blessings start to become more apparent?
The Works of God 
Now that is a familiar scenario that gets repeated every week with our family for the last 18 years. When I am in the halls, and waiting to re-enter the service again with one of mine, I think of all kinds of funny names that we could change the “restless child” room to. I am sure you can think of some!
While our kids were sitting relatively quietly, our newest little guy started making this horrid wretching sound (so much worse sounding than it actually is) and I did start to worry that it was going to not only distract those around us but probably Kenny as well–thought it was time to exit…
…and to top it off, I was crying during the whole service thinking of the incredible words you shared about Dad’s of kids with disabilities. I must have looked like more of a mess than I usually do. Thanks for sharing such true and real words about disability. I was overwhelmed with the joy I have that we have a Church that has such a heart for our families. We are so blessed!
With Sunday School over for the season some families may benefit this summer from using room 219 at the Bethlehem Downtown campus. This disability room has closed-circuit viewing of both the 9:00 and 11:00 services. Toys and books are availabe for the children. It’s not a perfect solution, but it may feel a bit more comfortable than the cry room.
Soak it up! Having just left Bethlehem I miss that long-term acceptance of our kids (and ourselves) soooooooo much. We just are not known by our new church yet and there is so much to know about us.
For the past eight years with Michael, our family has gone through a variety of “how do we do this” scenarios. Church has been no different. This is how we currently do it: we bring Michael into the beginning of the service where there is music (he loves music) and announcements. We will tolerate some “noise” from Michael during this time since much of it is muffled and not too noticeable. He blends into the service. Once the preaching starts, and it is quieter, I am less tolerant of his boisterous “ga’s and ba’s.” I think that it may be too distracting for people around us, and I want to be respectful of that. There are some pastors that can preach through a tornado, and they wouldn’t blink an eye at the noise. But others may be distracted by a loud “ga.” It is during the sermon if Michael is too loud that I take him out of the service and park ourselves under a speaker in the foyer. Many people approach us to connect with Michael during that time. Michael is doing ministry by just showing up and being available.
I think that there is benefit to having the person with a disability in the service as much as possible. It is a process on many levels with training of the person and desensitizing others to unfamiliar behavior. Plus, there is great benefit in keeping the child with disabilities with the family. It helps to build cohesiveness and strengthens the fibers in the family system. Michael is part of the whole.
I have been told by a fair number of people that when they hear Michael in the service, they are not bothered by his noise, but they are assured by his presence. That blesses me tremendously.
Greetings! I’ve been reading your web site for some time now and finally
got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Texas!
Just wanted to say keep up the fantastic job!