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Saturday was a day sharply outlining the realities of marriage.

Very early in the day email started arriving that Mary Pearson had died on Friday night after a 15 month battle with cancer.  Mitch and Mary are well known and well loved at Bethlehem.  I have personally experienced Mitch’s depth of care and compassion in our situation.

Mitch wrote a powerful testimony to God and to his wife, a portion of which was excerpted on the Desiring God blog on Saturday.

Mitch and Mary walked through deep, long seasons of extraordinary testing.  Mary is now free.  It is a hard story of what love looks like.

And God has proven most satisfying.

Later in the day Dianne and I attended a reception for our nephew and his future bride.  It was for all the family and friends who cannot travel to Alabama for their wedding in June.

This young man comes from a very special family.  His older sister lives with significant disabilities.  He loves her dearly, as she loves him.  He knows what it means to persevere for the sake of a family member.

I’ve watched him grow up.  And now here he is, handsome, athletic, college-educated, member of the National Guard, preparing to be a police officer and soon to be married.  His bride is beautiful, continuing with college, and clearly excited to join this man in marriage.

Their optimism is wonderful and beautiful.  It was a great few hours.

And, someday, God may call my nephew to walk with his wife through cancer.  Or he may call this young bride to parent a child with disabilities, like her future mother-in-law has now done for more than two decades.

I am NOT trying to suggest that their optimism is fantasy and soon reality will catch up with them.

In fact, I hope for exactly the opposite for them.  I want them to live with a future hope.  I want them to live expecting God to be active in their lives.  When hard things come, as they always do, I want them both to have a sweet, deep confidence that God will help them, that he will supply every need, and that all things work together for good for those who trust Jesus.

The tenderness that Mitch wrote about Mary and Mary’s savior, on the same day that she died, can be part of their story and our story.

I want that for myself and for this young couple, to be able to say no matter the circumstance:

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.  Job 1:21

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The podcast I stumbled on yesterday with a pastor, a Muslim scholar and a Rabbi is still bothering me.  The ‘pastor’ stated that God’s word equated disability with sin.

Jesus was very specific that there is something much worse than having a disability.  In fact, that something is so much worse, we should intentionally DISABLE OURSELVES rather than succumb to it:

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.  And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’”  Mark 9:42-48

That doesn’t read like Jesus was equating sin with disability.  Jesus is telling us to do anything to keep from sinning, because the result of sin is eternal condemnation.

Unfortunately, we all sin.  Cut off hands and feet, rip out eyes – we will still sin.  But there is a great answer to our problem!  Jesus!

If you want to know this Jesus, Pastor John explains the gospel in this short video from a few years ago:

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After enjoying the podcast done by Tim Challies and David Murray on Tuesday I thought I would look for other podcasts on this subject of disability and faith.

That was a mistake.  At least so far.

The first one I found was this one.  I don’t recommend it.  No, let me be stronger – it is terrible.  If you wanted to conduct a case study on unbiblical, illogical, unfair treatments of scripture, the seven minutes that Reverend Guy Pujol spoke could be the primary example.  He managed to distort Leviticus 21, John 9, Mark 2 and 2 Corinthians in his few short minutes.

John 9 might have been the most egregious example of his distortions in that he quotes the disciples’ question about who sinned, and then he completely neglects Jesus’ response:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  John 9:1-3

I can only conclude that his mistreatment of scripture was intentional and that he did not want his audience to hear the whole text.  What he was afraid they might hear, I can only guess.

I didn’t listen to the Muslim scholar or the Rabbi who were also part of the podcast.  I wanted my seven minutes back by the time he was through.

But we have NOTHING to fear from this kind of treatment – his argument was so weak a child could answer it.  In fact, I asked one of my children (Hannah) how she would respond to someone who said that John 9:2 proves that the Bible equates sin and disability.  Her confused reply (she was truly confused about the question) was, “well, the next verse sort of answers that.”  Her younger brother paraphrased Exodus 4:11 for his response, “God says he makes some to live with disability.”

That made me happy.

Let us be Biblical Christians on this subject.  God certainly is not ashamed of his sovereignty over disability as proclaimed in his word, and neither should we.

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Tim Challies and David Murray are friends of Desiring God who recently began their own Podcast at their Facebook site, Connected Kingdom: Connecting Truth & Life in a Digital Age (also can be accessed through iTunes).

Their most recent podcast focused on disability and the church!  Even better, they had two dads of children with disabilities as guests:  Justin Reimer, founder of The Elisha Foundation, and Paul Martin, pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Toronto.

About ten minutes into their conversation I just leaned back and enjoyed listening to four masculine voices engaging on this issue, brothers in the cause for the sake of our children and the church.  That is unusual.

In fact, I cannot remember ever listening to a podcast or radio program on disability and the church that included only men (my memory could be faulty).  On top of that, men who love and trust God!

In terms of service, women dominate the field of disability, at least in these childhood years.  I am grateful to God for all the women involved in Paul’s life – from doctors to therapists to aides to educators.  And I am grateful for all the women God has called to serve in the ministry at Bethlehem, providing access to dozens of families by serving individual children.  It is wonderful to experience such treasure from God!

And I pray for men to get involved, and God has provided.  I’m praying for more.  So, to have men engaging this issue seriously and hopefully in this podcast, that is a gift to me, and to God’s church.

Thank you, Tim and David!

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A woman I know quite well used Facebook recently to bring glory to God:

5am breakfast of oral contrast – berry flavor – in preparation for the 7:30 CT scan. The scan went fine, now waiting for Paulie to get home so we can go to Hannah’s softball game. I have already “passed from death to life.” John 5:24.

She’s a great example to me to hold all temporary things loosely and all eternal things tightly.  And she also reminded me that Facebook can be used to bring glory to God.

I’m grateful to God that she is my wife.

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Many of us follow Greg Lukas’ blog, Wrestling with an AngelHis post last Thursday considers the question about salvation for our children with significant cognitive disabilities:

I have poured over God’s promises like a doctor searching for a cure of the deadly disease in his own child, looking for hope and confidence in this grey area of my son’s life. There are many passages that give hints to the question I pose, but in the end I believe the passage in Ephesians 2 brings the most peace to my own soul—that Jake’s state is really no different from my own.

I recommend the entire post.

I sure hope to meet this brother someday!

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A new friend asked a difficult question recently, and I thought I would invite others to respond, especially those who have thought more about this topic or have more experience than I have.

Here is the question:

Our oldest boy is unsure of the existence of God, as an autistic person.  How do his daddy and I show him and teach the wonders of a perfect God that he can’t feel, see etc? His ability to think abstractly is remote to nonexistent. . . However, when looking for indications of Patch’s heart being affected by the Holy Spirit we know that it isn’t going to look the same as it will for his brother who is not autistic.  Is this one of those moments of blind trust in God for us where we have to accept that there may be no external emotional evidence of God working in Patch’s life?

Any help would be so appreciated even if it is us that need redirecting?

So, under the flag that we fly of God’s sovereignty over all things, how would you respond to Sue?  Are there resources you could recommend?

Here’s my attempt.  And to steal from Mark Twain, “I’m sorry this letter is so long, but I did not have time to make it shorter.”

I am struck again by how different our lives are, even when we sometimes share a characteristic like autism in our children.  My son is so significantly impacted by his combination of things, I simply don’t even think about his response or lack of response to things.

So, I don’t have an answer to the question of ‘how.’  But I know that God is faithful, always, to supply every need (Philippians 4:19).  He has called you to parent in the strength he provides, no matter how your boy responds.  I know that for all four of my children, only God can make them alive to him; I cannot do that work for them.  Paul is exactly like my other three – entirely dependent on God for his future, though he doesn’t think at all about his future.

In one sense, then, it is a ‘blind trust’ that God will provide for me and for you as parents of these very different boys.  But on the other hand, God has provided so much evidence of his power and mercy that even though I don’t know the specifics of his plan for me and my boy, I know he has one.

And his word is very helpful to me:

1)  God is sovereign over all his creation, and always has been.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. John 1:1-3

This familiar passage is speaking of Jesus.  I love that we are given this specific picture of a Jesus who knew and knows everything.  With this perfect knowledge, Jesus would take the wrath that I deserve – amazing!  He created my Paul and your Patch just as he intended, and both boys exist to bring him glory.

2)  God revealed his sovereignty over his creation of our children.

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:15-16

I take comfort that God wanted us to know he wasn’t just letting natural processes work themselves out as our children were being ‘knit together’ (Psalm 139:13); he is actively guiding everything toward the days that he has already authored.

3)  God specifically staked his claim of authority over children he created with disabilities.

Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Exodus 4:11

Here God claims authority, without embarrassment or feeling like he’s opening himself up to judgment, over making some to be different because of disability.  This goes well beyond God having foreknowledge and letting things happen; this is a demonstration of intentionality, power and authority.

4)  God will judge his creation according to what can be known.

For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. Romans 1:19-20

As Bethlehem has affirmed in its Elder Affirmation of Faith:

Therefore we do not believe that there is salvation through any other means than through receiving the gospel by the power of the Holy Spirit, except that infants and severely retarded persons with minds physically incapable of comprehending the gospel may be saved.

Though the specific statement here is on severe mental retardation, I believe it is possible there are other disabling conditions that could prevent the comprehension of the gospel.  I offer that very hesitantly – I do not want the word ‘comprehending’ to lose all meaning.

Autism is a very strange thing.  But God knows exactly what Patch can comprehend, and created him that way for his glory.  We can be confident God will judge rightly those he has created.

5)  A disabling condition is no hindrance to God.

And he answered them, “Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. Luke 7:22

Patch may be physically unable to comprehend the gospel or demonstrate any sort of affection for the gospel.  And God knows how to make Patch alive to him.

6)  God always judges rightly.

What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. Romans 9:14-16

7)  God always works all things for our good, if we are in Christ.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. Romans 8:28-30

It may be, Sue, that you will live your entire life without any evidence of Patch comprehending God.  But God has promised to help you, and he has called you to himself when you did not deserve it. He knew Patch’s days before anything was created and he loves your Patch and my Paul infinitely more than we do.

Someday, three of my four children will be launched into adulthood, Lord willing.  My oldest will live with me as long as I am able to care for him – I hope that God gives me decades more with him.  And someday we will, like the Apostle Paul, note these decades of care of our children with disabilities were very short when compared to eternity:

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

I am also grateful that Paul wrote “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10).  The sorrow is real.  The rejoicing is real.  And God is very  good.

I pray something in here is helpful.  And I hope others respond as well.

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As I wrote yesterday, there were parts of Dr. Dorothy Wertz’s chapter, “How Parents of Affected Children View Selective Abortion,” that pointed to horrifying statistics.  I have been unable to stop thinking about a few of the worst statistics that I read.

As I have blogged about before, the statistics for aborting children with Down syndrome hover around 90%.

I did not realize that this may actually have been an improvement over previous years.  As Dr. Wertz wrote about studies on women who had abortions after getting certain diagnoses:

Most chose abortion for severe mental retardation, death in early childhood, or substantial physical disability.  For example, among the first 7000 women receiving prenatal diagnosis under a public health program in New York City, 97 percent of those whose fetuses were diagnosed with Down syndrome and two other disorders with even more severe retardation had abortions, and 100 percent whose fetuses were diagnosed with anencephaly or spina bifida had abortions, regardless of race or income (Benn, et al 1985).

Every baby with anencephaly or spina bifida was aborted in New York City during this study.  How can that be?

Dr. Wertz included statistics from other countries as well.  In Switzerland, 100% of babies with a chromosome abnormality (which included Down syndrome) were aborted during a study published in 1989.  Not one child was even allowed the chance to live.

What more evidence do we need that our Western societies have undertaken a decades-long effort to exterminate whole classes of its citizens?

These are babies God has said he created:

Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?” Exodus 4:11

Were there no Christians at all in New York City or Switzerland when these studies took place?  Are we so blind to our own selfishness that we can no longer understand what God has created for his glory he invites us to nurture and protect, with his help and promise to supply all our needs?

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I found the chapter written by Dr. Dorothy Wertz, “How Parents of Affected Children View Selective Abortion,” from the book, Issues in Reproductive Technology: An Anthology, edited by Helen Holmes.

I now wished I hadn’t.  I am horrified at what she found in her research.

Here is one of Dr. Wertz’s conclusions:

Since individuals rather than governments are making these decisions (selective abortion of children with disabilities), they are not considered eugenic.  Yet, individuals can practice eugenics, perhaps more effectively than governments.  Informal social pressure is a very effective measure of coercion.  Once tests are offered, to reject them is a rejection of modern faith in science and also a rejection of our belief that we should do everything possible for the health of the future child.  To bear, knowingly, a less than perfect child affronts the mores of many social circles.  The sharp reduction in incidents of certain birth defects, such as Tay-Sachs in the United States and spina bifida in Britain, suggests that families are making what amount to eugenic decisions (all bold emphases mine).

There is good news in this.  If individuals are behaving as though there is a sanctioned eugenics movement in the United States, then individuals can be encouraged to make different decisions.

This is where the church and those of us with children with disabilities can engage in loving ways to turn the tide away from eugenics, one couple and one child at a time.

Parents, let us live like our children with disabilities matter and that we trust God to supply all our needs.  There is no reason to minimize our hardships – they are real, and people assume them anyway.  But there is more – God’s promises are real and we have been given a special opportunity to make much of him and testify to his promises through how we live our lives.

People simply do not talk about abortion as an option around me or my son, and I talk all the time about how glad I am to have this boy.  There’s two blows against aborting children with disabilities right there.

For churches, many had pro-life or sanctity of life Sunday services this past January.  Take that extra step – find ways to serve and welcome that family with a disabled family member.  Let all your people know you care about every person who crosses your doors, and that you WANT every one who crosses your doors, as an overflow of your affections for God who has done everything for you.

Will it be hard?  No.  It is impossible.  At Bethlehem we struggle most of the time – some disabilities are really, really hard, we frequently don’t know if we are doing the right things in serving a child or family, we make mistakes that discourage people, we never seem to have enough volunteers, and just when things seem to stabilize, another issue comes up that’s even more complicated than the last.

That is why we anchor everything in prayerful dependence, because only through God’s help will anything happen.

Think – pastor, or elder, or small group leader, or Sunday school teacher, or volunteer, or friend – how will you feel someday if a dad or mom comes up to YOU and says, “because of what I saw in what you did, we chose to have our baby with (terribly difficult disabling condition).”   And what sort of reward will there be from the Father for faithfully serving the most vulnerable of his human creation?

I don’t know.  But I want to find out.

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I was looking for the article by Dorothy Wertz I referenced yesterday, and found this quote from Dr. Adrienne Asch in the article, “Prenatal Diagnosis and Selective Abortion: A Challenge to Practice and Policy” from the November 1999 edition of American Journal of Public Health:

If professionals and parents believed that children with disabilities could indeed provide their parents many of the same satisfactions as any other child in terms of stimulation, love, companionship, pride, and pleasure in influencing the growth and development of another, they might reexamine their belief that in psychological, material, and social terms, the burdens of raising disabled children outweigh the benefits.

A vast array of literature, both parental narrative and social science quantitative and qualitative research, powerfully testifies to the rewards-typical and atypical-of raising children with many of the conditions for which prenatal testing is considered de rigeur and abortion is expected (Down syndrome, hemophilia, cystic fibrosis, to name only some). Yet bioethics, public health, and genetics remain woefully-scandalously–oblivious, ignorant, or dismissive of any information that challenges the conviction that disability dooms families.

In other words, though we can frequently provide evidence to the benefits of raising our children with disabilities, the belief system of people who are supposed to be serving us leads them to dismiss that evidence.  The only evidence they will consider are the burdens.  Thus, the only right answer for them is to abort our babies with disabilities.

I am grateful when researchers like Dr. Asch point out that it isn’t just the ‘reality’ of burdens that leads to higher rates of abortion.  We are also fighting an evil belief system that automatically assigns lower value to a baby with certain genetic characteristics.  Sort of like we used to do with children born with dark skin in this country.

But given the statistics on abortion of African-American children, maybe I am too quick to say ‘used to.’

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