The Works of God

Last Saturday Pastor Bud was preaching for Pastor Jason.  He was helping us see the importance and beauty of worship, including families worshiping together in church.

Paul, however, was determined to have his say as well.  So Dianne moved away from where we were sitting to lessen the disturbance he was making.  That isn’t too unusual for us.

(I must pause here and give a shout-out to my church and their training of their volunteers.  We don’t normally attend on Saturdays, so we aren’t as well known to the regular Saturday attenders.  A young woman who was serving as a greeter/usher approached me after Dianne made the shift to let me know that Paul was very welcome where we were sitting and not to worry about it.  That felt good!)

But Paul was unusually ‘gifted’ in volume this evening! As Paul’s volume rose Dianne felt the need for another solution.

So she put him in a closet.

Before you call child welfare on us, this is a large coat closet at the back of the commons area that, being summer, wasn’t being used.  Dianne could sit where she could see Paul and where she could hear the sermon, but Paul’s vocalizing was significantly muted.  He was perfectly safe and she was MUCH more comfortable.

As she exited the closet, Pastor Bud was just getting to his point about restless children sometimes needing to be taken from the sanctuary, and he allowed that it isn’t always clear when this is the best thing to do.  Dianne thought to herself, nor is it clear when it is best to put the boy in the closet!

She tells the story much better than I can write it! I was laughing so hard when she told me after the service that tears came to my eyes.  We caught up with Pastor Bud and his wife, Lisa, after the service and told them the story. They enjoyed it as well.

You might be thinking, was this really the best solution? There are usually many different ways to handle a situation like that; there were other options. But in the moment that wasn’t too bad!

I appreciate that God has created the kind of culture at Bethlehem where behavioral expectations for children can be articulated and parents can be both exhorted and encouraged in their roles. Yet when one of God’s unusually-created human beings shows up, we have the grace (and the space) to welcome them and to let parents do some creative things outside of the norm, sometimes on the fly.

Not perfectly, of course.  But on this particular evening we went home a happy family, well served by our Pastor Bud and by our church, and grateful to God for his unusual help with a very noisy boy.

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But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13, ESV)

If you’re a man reading this blog, you’re probably a dad of a child with a disability.  And if you’re like most of us dads, you didn’t choose this life. I’m guessing it is harder than anything you’ve ever experienced before.

You’re not alone.

I remember feeling alone, especially in those early months.  Nobody understood what it was really like, it seemed.  A social worker invited us to a parent meeting and that was even worse – they understood, but they were all so sad or angry or resigned to life. We didn’t go back to that parent group.

Those were dark days, made even darker when I realized the doctors and specialists and educators thought dads were mostly there as a checkbook and an insurance card.

And Father’s Day?  All those happy images of dads playing ball with their sons or fishing or just enjoying each other’s company certainly didn’t apply to my situation.

But God gave me a gift that I wasn’t asking for.  His name was Karl.

You can read the rest here.

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Does God really use the frustrating little things in our lives for our good?  Is repeating the same songs or verses to a child with severe disabilities really worth it?

And are those two questions related?

The team at Desiring God has developed a daily devotional created from the vast library of resources from Pastor John.  You can access it via apps for Apple and Android or through a website called Solid Joys.

What follows is the devotional for today, May 25, entitled God’s Design in Detours.  Please be tolerant of the old language signifying cognitive disabilities that was used;  it was meant simply to describe the child’s circumstances and not diminish her worth as a human being:

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)

Have you ever wondered what God is doing while you are looking in the wrong place for something you lost and needed very badly? He knows exactly where it is, and he is letting you look in the wrong place.

I once needed a quote for a new edition of my book Desiring God. I knew I had read it in Richard Wurmbrand. I thought it was in his devotional book, Reaching Toward the Heights. I could almost see it on the right hand side of the facing pages. But I couldn’t find it.

But while I was looking, I was riveted on one page, the devotional for November 30. As I read it, I said, “This is one of the reasons I have had to keep looking for my quote.” Here was a story, not for me, but for parents of broken children.

Having broken children is like looking in the wrong place for what you have lost and cannot find. Why? Why? Why? This was the unplanned reward of “wasted” moments.

In a home for retarded children, Catherine was nurtured twenty years. The child had been [mentally handicapped] from the beginning and had never spoken a word, but only vegetated. She either gazed quietly at the walls or made distorted movements. To eat, to drink, to sleep, were her whole life. She seemed not to participate at all in what happened around her. A leg had to be amputated. The staff wished Cathy well and hoped that the Lord would soon take her to Himself.

One day the doctor called the director to come quickly. Catherine was dying. When both entered the room, they could not believe their senses. Catherine was singing Christian hymns she had heard and had picked up, just those suitable for death beds. She repeated over and over again the German song, “Where does the soul find its fatherland, its rest?” She sang for half an hour with transfigured face, then she passed away quietly. (Taken from The Best Is Still to Come, Wuppertal: Sonne und Shild)

Is anything that is done in the name of Christ really wasted?

My frustrated, futile search for what I thought I needed was not wasted. Singing to this disabled child was not wasted. And your agonizing, unplanned detour is not a waste — not if you look to the Lord for his unexpected work, and do what you must do in his name (Colossians 3:17). The Lord works for those who wait for him (Isaiah 64:4).

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Earlier today a judge declared that I could still be Paul’s father.

Well, not exactly. He granted our petition for guardianship, which means Dianne and I have the legal authority and responsibility to make decisions for him as he transitions into adulthood.  In other words, we get to keep doing what we’ve been doing all along, only now we have to submit a report once a year that we’re still taking care of him.

I learned a few things along the way:

1. Ramsey County takes this really seriously.  I’m glad for that as taking away someone’s civil rights should be taken seriously.
2. Having multiple severe disabilities made this process really easy.  Everyone who was notified immediately agreed that Paul should be a ward, and that his parents should be his guardians.
3. Parents out ahead of us in this complicated life are really, really helpful. I knew that already, but was reminded again that even after 17+ years, there is so much I don’t know.  Dianne talked to some moms, and Mary Horning recommended the attorney we used which made everything easier.

All in all, the process went without any complications.

Yet there were parts that just felt weird. We had strangers come to my home, one on behalf of the court and an attorney assigned to represent Paul, to ask Paul questions and determine if he was in an appropriate living situation.  They were both very pleasant men who had quite a bit of experience with these things; neither one was in the least disturbed by Paul’s behaviors or his lack of response to their questions.  But knowing they could independently make the process of our having the legal right and responsibility to take care of our son, as we have done since he was born, more difficult based on their assessments from just a single meeting was unnerving.

And after I was sworn in by the clerk and the two attorneys asked me their questions, I realized the judge’s decision is still based on trust.

If we needed to, we could have gotten dozens, maybe hundreds, of people to speak to our care for our son and our character.  We have more doctors than I can name who can document all the ‘stuff’ we’ve done over the years.  The school systems has 17 years worth of IFSP and IEP meetings in their files.

But that doesn’t mean we’ll do in the future what we’ve done in the past.  Greg Lucas wrote a very helpful post as he reflected on a mother who killed her adult disabled son and then herself.  This mom had also been entrusted with her son’s care, and the hopelessness of her situation eventually overwhelmed her.

No, the trust must go deeper than a reliance our own strength or affections, because those can fail.  Thankfully, God never fails. He gave us our Paul with every intention of making His name great in every way – through Paul’s life and gifts, and through the daily help he provides to us as his parents.  If the Lord grants Paul life, eventually we’ll need to hand off his care to somebody else; I expect God will be teaching us even deeper lessons about trusting in him and his wisdom when we confront that issue.

I was impressed at how the Ramsey County Judge had full control of his courtroom.  People stand when he enters the room. Lawyers who were much older than he is addressed him as ‘Your Honor.’  When he asked for something, the attorneys supplied it without question.

But at the end of the day, this judge goes home.

We have a greater judge to ultimately trust in who never stops pursuing justice, who knows everything, and who will help us as we continue to care of our very vulnerable, almost adult son:

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There are scores of women who have children of all ages who cannot speak an intelligible word because of their cognitive disabilities.  Or their children, like my son, have some language, but those children can never make a spontaneous call of deep affections for their mother.

There will be no handwritten cards, telephone calls or gifts from those children to their mothers today.

Yet, most of those children have mothers who pour their lives into them, sometimes for decades beyond what they anticipated when that little life first starting growing in their bodies.

For all of you moms in that circumstance, know that this proverb is still for you, just not yet!

Her children rise up and call her blessed.  Proverbs 31:28

Why do I believe this?

1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” 6 And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.  Revelation 21:1-7

Those mothers who cling to Jesus for daily strength and as their future hope have a glorious eternity waiting for them.

Someday, I believe my son will tell me things almost too wonderful for me to comprehend about what he experienced in this present age.  And I expect one of the things he will talk about is his tender, eternal regard for the woman who cared for him without a thought about what she would receive from him in return.  On that day, he will rise and call his mother blessed!

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• They mean well.  They don’t generally get it (otherwise they wouldn’t say it), but they really want to say something helpful.  And they certainly don’t want to make things harder on us.
• They are usually REALLY happy not to have to deal with what you have been given.  From that viewpoint, they do understand something of your situation; you probably wouldn’t have chosen to deal with it, either.
• They are exposing their understanding of who God is, and are opening a door for you to explain who God really is.  God wants us to be entirely dependent on him (see Psalm 40 for how good this is!), because that is the kindest thing possible.  We will not learn dependence on God if we can ‘handle’ it ourselves.
• God understands what he has given us ‘to handle’ and knows exactly how it will bring him glory and will work out for our good.
• I know that if I respond in anger (or worse, with violence), that I have just extended the amount of time I need to deal with this statement.  And, yes, I have wanted to punch people in the nose who have said this to me.  Just not lately, because God continues to teach me his character and how good he really is to me in light of my sin.

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I know this video is an advertisement.  But the pictures of babies are amazing!

We must let people know right now that when they ‘see’ something they didn’t expect in their baby, like a disability, that their child is still wonderful and created for a good purpose.  They are no less beautiful just because they don’t look like the babies in these pictures.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14, ESV)

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Social media accomplished what seemed unlikely at best – it forced national media attention on the trial of a man who practiced late-term abortions in horribly barbaric ways.

Please be advised that there are very disturbing, graphic images in this video along with detailed descriptions of what happened to babies – living babies – at this abortion clinic.

Thank you to Seachange Filmmakers and Storytellers for pursuing this story.

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