William Stuntz is a professor at Harvard Law School – and he is dying of cancer. In his very well presented, thoughtful, and ultimately sad question and answer session with Timothy Dalrymple of the website, Patheos, he talks about his cancer and what he is experiencing as a Christian.
Some of his observations are painful for me to read:
There is a tendency that’s especially strong in Calvinist circles to read Romans 8:28, “All things work together for the good,” as though it says that “All things are good.” I heard some of that, and that hurt me too. I am not blaming anyone else; I am sure this is more my fault than anyone else’s. These are honest opinions, if (I think) probably misguided, and they were delivered by completely well-meaning people. But hearing repeatedly that suffering is discipline from a loving Father, and that my circumstances are all gift — no curses, they are all blessings — made me feel sometimes as though God were coming after me with a baseball bat.
Dianne and I had two different reactions to that statement. Here is hers:
- As Calvinists our first reaction should always be to come close to the person who is suffering, to comfort and hug and encourage and cry and listen. We are commanded to ‘weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15) and walk with those in pain.
And here is mine:
- When God let me have a small glimpse of my depravity and the cost of sin that Jesus paid for me, every means that God used to show me his power and righteousness and the sole sufficiency of Jesus is a kindness to me. Every suffering I have experienced thus far is nothing like the suffering I deserve for eternity. I do not understand Romans 8:18 like Paul did when he wrote it (For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us), but God has shown me enough to know what God has saved me from. Thus, I am grateful for those means of disease and disability in my family. As hard as they continue to be in this present age, they also keep me dependent on God.
God used the kindness of many people, particularly one couple and their children, to walk and cry with us. They also prayed for us, hoping in and trusting that God would reveal himself and help us. Dianne is right to say that should be our first response.
I also remember when I thought God was coming after me with a baseball bat. I would become angry when people would quote certain scriptures to me. In those moments, the Bible was not a comfort at all, and I occasionally lashed out. Those people who quoted scripture I’m sure felt awful.
But at the moment of God’s choosing, the Holy Spirit has come and shown me the truth and power of God’s word. The same scriptures that made me angry were transformed into comfort and help – this is not the work of any person but God alone.
So, let us be bold to enter into people’s pain, with tenderness and mercy and compassion while also not neglecting the power of the Word of God, even if it is received, initially, as bad and unhelpful news. Persistence in showing up in the midst of pain makes the Word much easier to take.
And most of all, let us ask God for help in those circumstances, for his leading in how we can best serve our brothers and sisters who are suffering intensely. Jesus knows what suffering is, and he is worthy of our trust in leading us in what we should do in those moments.
The Works of God 
This is hard at times to swallow, but I do believe it is true. God uses whatever He can to make me holy. I have to keep reminding myself of that truth or I tend to revert back to what I know…to become angry and say things aren’t fair and that God is cruel. The truth is God is the definition of fairness and even though my mind can’t grasp what He is doing, He is doing something good and I don’t deserve anything, but in His love, He is always giving me good gifts. They might not look good, but they are. It’s hard for our tiny minds to grasp though especially when we are in the midst of great suffering.
I agree with you, John. It seems to me that before speaking to someone who is in the throes of great suffering we need to make sure our theology of suffering is biblically sound. If we believe that God is being unkind and unfair to the person, our sympathetic words will reflect that belief and provide only a false comfort that will ultimately encourage bitterness and self-pity. If we’re convinced (most often by means of our own experience of suffering) of God’s loving and good purpose for the suffering and that it will serve His glory, our words and actions will be used by God to truly comfort and sustain. It may mean that we sit silently, prayerfully, at first; holding a hand, weeping in hope, bringing a meal. But we look for the moment when words of truth, compassionately and gently spoken, can help to plant and/or nourish a godly hope in the heart of the suffering one. During a time of great suffering, I was surprised to discover that the path to enduring joy and hope was found through repentance and treasuring Jesus and the redemption he gives us. It was the relentless suffering (and my poor response to it) that still forces me to acknowledge that within myself I am destitute, empty. Oswald Chambers writes, “The greatest spiritual blessing we receive is when we come to the knowledge that we are destitute.” John Piper writes, “Destitution does not demand or deserve; it pleads for mercy and looks for grace.” The suffering itself is an agony that cannot and should not be minimized, but in that agony is the temptation to demand relief, and that demand is sinful. It creates a further bitter agony—beyond that of the initial suffering—that most of us are loathe to relinquish. It seems to me that all these things come into play when we approach someone who is suffering mightily. True godly compassion and encouragement is both loving to the sufferer and faithful to God who ordained the suffering.
It was a good post, John, causing me to do some reflection. I see nothing good in diseases and injuries in and of themselves. I am confronted with pain and suffering with patients and their loved ones every time I go to work in the ICU. On a more personal note, I see nothing good in witnessing high power electricity surging through my child’s brain causing him to lose consciousness and lose function. It is pure pain, sorrow, and much grief. BUT, that the God of this universe can take this suffering and turn it for good to those of us who love Him and are called according to His purpose, gives me great hope and strength. I thank Him and praise Him.
Regarding people using Scripture to minister to me, I found that most of it flew by me. I couldn’t focus on it. Depending on my emotional state, occasionally a verse would really “stick” like Velcro onto my heart and minister to me. If people tried to tell me all the things God was doing in our (my husband’s and my) suffering, I wanted to say that they were thinking too small! God is doing exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask for! There is much more than what meets the eye.